Grooming is the subtle, gradual and escalating process of building a connection of trust and comfort with a child, and/or their parents, caregivers, friends and community, with the intention of committing child sexual abuse.

Perpetrators of child sexual abuse are highly skilled at manipulating children and young people, as well as their family and friends to believe that they are respectable and trustworthy. Grooming can involve a range of behaviours, with the aim to:

• gain access to the child or young person to perpetrate child sexual abuse

• gain the child or young person’s trust or compliance

• instill fear and shame into the child or young person

• discourage the child or young person’s telling others about the abuse

• avoid discovery of sexual abuse

• obtain sexual material of the child or young person

• make or instruct the child to make sexual material.

The Grooming Process:

The grooming process often begins with behaviours that do not appear to be inappropriate or may create the impression that the perpetrator has a friendly, caring and honest approach when interacting with children and young people. Often children and young people are abused by people they know, and who are trusted by their family and community, rather than a stranger.

Perpetrators may groom children and young people for weeks, months or years before any sexual abuse takes place. Sometimes these behaviours can be hard to identify and may only be recognised after the abuse has occurred.

Grooming of a child or young person, in person or online, can include but is not limited to:

• building their trust, sometimes through special attention, gifts or talking about shared interests

• treating them like an adult to make them feel different and special

• gaining the trust of their parents, siblings, family or carers

• isolating them from supportive and protective family and friends

• non-sexual touching or ‘accidental’ touching of the child or young person that develops into sexual behaviour over time

• coercing them, including through threats, stalking, and asking them to keep secrets

• encouraging them to produce child sexual abuse images or videos, or enticing them to participate in sexualised virtual chats

• using threats, coercion, bribes or the child or young person’s fear, shame or guilt to manipulate them into secrecy.

How Perpetrators Groom Parents, Caregivers, Coworkers or Other Adults

Often, the perpetrator will work hard to build a relationship with the adults around the child or young person that makes it seem that they are committed to a child or young person's wellbeing. 

Perpetrators can place themselves in positions of authority within a community or organisation to appear as someone who is respectful and would never harm a child or young person.  

They can appear to be helpful and supportive in order to create opportunities to spend time alone with a child or young person, for example driving them to activities, babysitting, putting them to bed at night, offering one-on-one lessons.

This may be done by:

• befriending the parents or other caregivers to gain access to children or young people

• developing romantic or sexual relationships with parents to gain access to children or young people

• grooming one or more siblings, and then manipulating them to recruit other children, and young people, including their siblings

• offering to babysit children so parents or other caregivers can have a break.